Category: Field Notes

The Research Division has completed a study into whether the colour red contributes to the dot’s apparent speed. A group of 60 operators was shown red, green and blue dots at equal speed. Red was rated fastest by 38 of them. Blue was rated fastest by 2, who were later found to be dozing.

Lead researcher Dr. Pepper Windsor said the result was not entirely surprising. Red suggests urgency, and urgency suggests escape. Green suggests grass and a loss of interest.

Further study will examine whether a gold dot would be taken more seriously. Funding has been requested, in the form of gold.

On Thursday at 1620 hours, two operators, Private Turnip and Sergeant Basil, entered the east hallway from opposite ends in pursuit of the same dot. Neither saw the other. The collision took place at the exact midpoint of the corridor, at a combined speed of 31 miles per hour.

The aftermath was brief. Both operators stood, looked at one another and groomed. The dot continued along the wall and out of the building. No damage was reported to either party, or to the vase, which was spared on a technicality.

An incident report was filed and read aloud in the break room. Applause was withheld.

We receive three enquiries each week about dot nets. The answer is no. A net would imply that the dot can be caught, and our entire business model is built on the belief that it cannot.

Our founder, Sergeant Major Biscuit, put the matter plainly in a memo of 2019: if you catch it, you have to carry it. If you carry it, you have to look after it. Dot ownership is a full time job and the dot, we believe, is not trainable.

We respect the ambition. We just do not want to be there when it works.

Entry from Private Marmalade, enrolled in the Operator Grade Red Dot Training Pack. Day 12. 0620 hours. I was close. I was very close. The dot ran up the curtain and I leapt. For a moment I held it. It was warm. It was beautiful. Then the curtain came down.

The human laughed. I did not. The dot is still out there. It is on the ceiling. I can see it. It knows I can see it.

Debrief with Lieutenant Pickles was supportive. She said that close is the best we get. She then went back to sleep, which in this context is a form of respect.

Intelligence reports confirm that the red dot has a 100 percent escape rate. It has been engaged in 11,408 documented pursuits and has been neutralised in none. Our analysts attribute this to three factors: speed, an absence of mass, and an unfair relationship with a wall.

The dot does not tire. It does not eat. It does not sit in a sunbeam and wonder whether this is all there is. It simply moves, and we pursue.

This is not a failure. This is doctrine. A target that can be caught is a target that stops being interesting. Gear up and stay hungry, operators.